I haven't been on here in a while, and I haven't had any contact with my mother during that time. That is, until this morning - when SHE contacted me. She started off by saying that I was the only one of her children who hadn't been in touch to protest about her will and the unfairness of it. And that it was HER money, wasn't it?
This is where months of detachment and prayer really worked for me.
I agreed that it was, indeed, her money and she should allocate it as she saw fit. But that the brother who she intends to make sole beneficiary is a drinking alcoholic who had blown every single opportunity that life had presented to him, and that for many alcoholics/drug addicts coming into a large amount of money was a death sentence.
She tried to deny that he's an alcoholic. I didn't argue. I won't be arguing in the future, either.
Then she raised the issue of my sister who had contacted her absolutely distraught about the will in the first place. This particular sister is very well off financially, but felt that being cut out of the will was a statement that she meant nothing to my mother, that she was worthless. I told my mother that it was not about the money, but about feeling loved and valued - and left it at that.
I said that the final message to us from my father was "Get Lost", and that it would have been nice if this weren't the message from both our parents.
To be honest, in the intervening months I've grown accustomed to the idea that I won't be inheriting from her; my future lies with my lovely partner and my own career, and this is something which is happening in the background; the emotional equivalent of a neighbour cutting a lawn I suppose.
I wondered about contacting my siblings, and then decided against. The sister who had been most vocal about the will has a long history of cutting me out of family gatherings, pointedly not giving me Xmas presents etc, and only very sporadically contacting me in the hope of getting me onside in some feud that she's having with someone else. I've long since detached from her with love, and relate from a distance without getting sucked into the games.
It doesn't alter the fact that being cut out of the will would have hurt her deeply, which is why I mentioned it. Not in the hope that this would change anything, but to assert what I see as the reality of the situation - and then let go the outcome.
I've no idea what kind of communication's been taking place between my other siblings, and right now it can stay like that!
Thank you to this forum, to Alanon, to my lovely recovering alcoholic friend who asked if the purpose of writing to my mother would be to get her to change her mind, and to my partner. Thank you to all of you for your support in preserving my Serenity!