View Single Post
Old 06-02-2017, 12:10 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Berrybean
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sweetichick. You are nearly 50. I must admit that I thought that you were in your late 20's (not sure why - perhaps someone was on here with a similar name who was younger). Perhaps Anvil had the same confusion going on.

Style of posting aside, I don't see any wild judgements. Just things perhaps you don't want to hear. I say that because they've all been said lots of times before and you've ignored them every time, choosing to focus on the next problem or drama instead of any solution. Once we start living in the solution things start to get better Sweetie.

I read this...

1) that things are unmanageable (financially, healthier and relationships) and are set to get worse not better if nothing changes.

2) that from what you say this manfriend of yours isn't necessarily the best influence you could have on you. (Although in my personal opinion, that wouldn't stop you getting sober if that's what you really wanted.)

3) you resist the idea of rehab because it would mean quitting smoking. Would that REALLY be such a bad thing anyway? Given your money and health issues? And you ignore any other suggestions, even though you ask for them.

At the moment it sounds like you (after over a year here saying the same things back and forth) are still rationalizing your drinking saying this or that much isn't a problem. Well, the unmanageability that its bringing to your life really doesn't tally with that. Not every alcoholic drinks every day. The point remains that alcohol has enough of a hold over you to make rubbish choices about things and you reach to booze to self medicate rather than as some kind of social doo daa.

To say that you're problems will all be solved by a debt management scheme while you're still drinking and resisting any kind of real recovery work to achieve long term sobriety is, frankly, madness. Real cart before the horse stuff. Like a runner saying he fell because of the injury he got when he fell.

At the centre of this is you. A real lady. Almost 50. Struggling to manage her finances, self-care and conduct. Those debt people can get everything sorted for you and if you carry on drinking what state do you think those finances will be in by Christmas, or this time next year? It's a sad old situation SC, it saddens me mostly because at the heart of it I'm not convinced that you really do want to stop drinkin as your posts remind me of my old thinking. I know that for a while I just want to be relieved of the burden of guilt about my drinking and the consequences of it, and coming here I could convince myself that I was doing all I could and was just stuck with it, where in actuality I just wanted to keep my drinking but not have the consequences and was taking no action whatsoever. Responsibility was a horrible word to me. Practically dripping in fear and shame.

Thankfully the bit of hope I cling to is that, should you wake up and really decide that you want to get sober and take the reins of your life back from alcohol, you'll be able to read through all those past threads and find lots of suggestions of action you can take to start this process.

I do feel for you, and really, really hope that you will see through the rationalisation that your AV spins you and decide to break this cycle. The road your on ain't taking you anywhere good. The dept management people are just a roadside diner, not the destination. Just, I fear, slowing down the inevitable unless you choose to tackle your addiction and take action in recovery.

I do wish you well in sobriety and recovery. Trouble is, you need to be wishing for it for yourself as well. Like, it being the thing you want most in the world.

BB

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mahatma Gandhi
Berrybean is offline