Today
Ugly. This word seems fitting. A few days ago I was told about a drunken outburst my step son witnessed at his mothers. The police were called and the BF was taken to the tank. It was late at night. We all could have made this mistake.... Its been weighing on me since Tuesday. I never wanted my step son to witness or be subject to another persons out of control behavior in this way. These situations do create damage.
I find that this situation has stirred up unresolved issues regarding my own childhood and my own behaviors as an adult. I am raw. Very raw. I feared for my step-son. I talked to my H about how frightening it is as a child to have the police show up in the middle of the night to arrest someone. I talked of how I, too, experienced these scenarios and how affected I was during these times. Apparently I am still affected by these situations, as I had a really good cry at the end of my day and when I got home.
This situation only gives me more momentum to keep my head on straight and to abstain from alcohol. Role modeling is no easy task. So, lets just say today was a day that sucked emotionally and mentally but I get to process and I get to be sober.
Thank You