Great feedback and thoughts to consider. The thing on working the steps is what hung me up. I got a sponsor, and when we started to talk about disclosing my wrongs and making amends, I think he thought I was not being honest.
Beat my wife, cheat on her? No. Beat my son? No. Get liquored up and make a big scene and say hateful things? No. Steal, rob, or other dishonesty to support my habit? No.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no Saint. In my earlier years I did get in fights while drunk, but that was common among all my peers growing up in a rural area. I also drank and drove, many, many times. Thankfully I never hurt anyone, myself, or got into legal trouble. I did beat the snot out of some fast cars and muddy some 4x4 trucks playing while drunk... Sheer dumb luck and the good Lord kept me out of any serious trouble.
My main transgressions have been becoming a weekend drunk who didn't do the things he wanted to do with his family (the park, social gatherings, etc.) because I was either drunk or hungover. I was happy to push my son out n the swing, as long as it was in our backyard and I could be drunk while I did it.
On 11-21-16, I got so drunk over 3 days that my wife found me passed out on the bathroom floor, and thought I'd had either a stroke or other medical emergency. I'd become so good at hiding it she didn't even know I was drunk.
Started AA after that, but it always felt like they wanted more (again, just my experience, perhaps a different chapter or different sponsor would have been different).
Where I did find true relief was through the church and becoming involved. I grew up going to church, then fell away, finding distaste with organized religion, just thinking that for me, belief in God was all I needed. I was wrong. I needed to actually commit to something and try to serve others, and things have been better since.
Working on my first 24 hours, which I know are the worst. Just never wanted to do a "first 24" again. They suck!!