Okay it hit hard. I have a drinking problem.
This morning anxiety through roof. Doubled up stomach knotting anxiety. Whats the point of trying thoughts. Down on myself thoughts. Depressed thoughts.
I can make it go away by drinking. I planned it out in my head. I can start not drinking on the first of June. Thank God I have to take a friend to the college. Something in me will not cancel and that saved me….for now…
I spent 35 to 40 minutes planing to drink. Even to the point of planning to cancel my appointment wth counselor tomorrow. I can’t do this, it will kill me in the end.
The anxiety feels like it will too. Too raw and too real.
So for now stay close to apartment. Take friend to college.
Then what? I guess I see why one day at a time.
I need to get cat food and groceries but don't trust myself.
Maybe I can at least stop at pet store with friend. Cat needs food and there is no wine there.
I can’t believe I am writing this.
I will keep reading. I knew I had to make a change
This is going to be more of a battle than I thought
If I write and post I can’t pretend it didn’t happen.