Unsure
Am new. Have been reading posts for 2 days now. When I tried to broach the subject with counselor and peer support (I am struggling after a bout of severe depression and anxiety that put me in hospital twice. Also divorce after 20+ years. IOP for 3 months) both said I just need to make better choices that I don't have a problem. I am concerned. I told them I think I have a problem. Isn’t that enough of a reason to ask for help?
I also struggle with avoidant personality disorder and social anxiety and at the moment have few friends or connections. I had been doing and taking action. Action is the only way to make a difference. But I gave in. I had two places I could go this weekend. All be it not for long, but at least I could have volunteered one day and church the next. New to both and the anxiety took over.
I can’t do this any more. I believe I have a problem though my counselor and peer support do not. (if I don't and keep going this way, I will) From what I have read I should have posted before I drank but know that I cant undo today. I can start tomorrow but not sure I will if I don't write this now. (to me this means I have a problem) At least when I wake up tomorrow I know I made a conscious choice and put it out to others that “I Do Not Want To Drink To Cope!” I already know tomorrow is going to be hell but the answer to my problems is not in drinking.
I will be using some of the “101 helpful hints for recovery” posted by Dee74 and thanks to a link Berrybean posted in a thread. ...because it's my first post I can not enter the link.
I have used many to cope with the anxiety and depression.
They worked to a point if I used them.
Unfortunately I stopped.
Sometimes its easier to shut down than to take action.
A couple of reasons to stop (for me)
~My eyesight is much clearer and focused
~My thinking is much clearer
Thats the problem, I have to face the truth of what I have done leaving a marriage after 20+ years. I just couldn't live with the alcoholism (ironic) lies and finally the long affair. I am worth more than that. But I am also in a lot of pain.
~I appreciate what I do have.
~I reach out to others more.
~Despite the shaking, stuttering, sweating and high anxiety at least I do it.
~I am able to make better use of the resources I have been blessed with.
~No, I am able to make use of the resources!
~I save money and pay attention to my financial well being.
~Things get done ahead of time and done well.
~I am willing and able to help others.
Okay why do I drink again?
It may block the pain for a short time but in the long run it will cause more pain.
And over time it will take more and more.
Still, so not looking forward to tomorrow, the anxiety, the depression and the loneliness.
Hope this makes sense.