I'm just at a loss on why he is now (or has he been doing it for a while) being secretive.
He hides it because he knows his drinking upsets you, but he doesn't want to and or can't stop.
Searching for alcohol, counting drinks, and constantly wondering if he's been drinking will make you crazy! (That's coming from a person who made herself crazy trying to monitor someones drinking.)
It doesn't matter how many drinks hes had, or how often he does it. His drinking is unacceptable to you, and the only thing you can do about it is either
accept that this is who he is and this is what he wants to be doing, and make a good life for yourself by staying away from the parts of his life that you don't like....knowing that how things are today could be the best they will ever be.
or
decide that this life isn't good enough for you, and change it.
BOTH choices are painful, and NEITHER will be easy to do. The only one that has a guaranteed ending to the pain of alcoholism is the latter.
HUGS to you - are you still going to meetings? You don't have to decide anything today, but meetings will help you gain some clarity, and turn your focus back to yourself, and what you want for your life.
