I don't like Atalose's first paragraph, but I know deep down you are right. The alcoholic and him are the same person. I just hope the addiction won't always control him and I hope he will control it. His life will always be different and I agree it will always be a battle. That is something I needed to hear.
in regards to making and ultimatum, I don't agree that I made an ultimatum for him. I didn't tell him that he had to stop. I told him that he had the decision to live with and/or without his family. I have let him control me for years and I finally realized that I need to set my own life rules and control my life. So, I decided I was not willing to live with him if he chose to continue to drink, be mean, etc.. I told him my rule and I told him that he could decide if he wanted to stay with me or not. I made it his choice to live a sober healthy life with his family. (I have a very smart therapist that helped me with the groundwork for this - lots went into setting up this groundwork) He chose and came home drunk. In all actuality, I was the one that left with the kids because I wasn't living with him anymore. I was kicking myself out and was going to live at an Airbnb for a while until I found an alternate home. After I left, he calmed down and told me that the kids and I shouldn't be kicked out of the house, but he should be kicked out. Maybe it was his ploy to keep me at home so he could try to come back. That is what I'm worried about. If he wants to drink, he can...I just won't Live with that. He can do what he wants. I won't do what he wants anymore. So...I guess it was more of an ultimatum for me.
So yes, he is kicked out of his own house, if he wants to return, technically he can, but I will leave. He can drive his car right over and find a way to get in. I need to stand my ground. The hardest part for me is trying to not give into him when he tries to tell me he is doing the right thing, and most likely isn't.
So yes, my plan is way more detailed and it has been worked through. Don't forget at this point I do have to work with him, and I can't just quit my job nor can I fire him. I have to be responsible for feeding not only my kids but the many other families that rely on me (us). We know he isn't going to. Not every kink or scenario is necessarily worked out, some I haven't thought of, and maybe my plan isn't even right or logical..., but I am trying to do the best for my two kids and myself. The kids and I deserve better.
I don't care what it takes. I will make mistakes. I have made plenty. I've put the cart before the horse more than once in my life. I will learn from my mistakes, but I know one thing. Those kids and I don't deserve what we had and I will do my best to give them better. I will stick around here and listen to you (and maybe sometimes I won't listen - not gonna lie!), go to my therapist, read threads and books, and hopefully figure out how to drive out of this thing in the forward direction. Chin up, head forwards...hopefully horse first...then cart.