Originally Posted by
HeartbrokenGuy 
I do feel guilty for having fun which is absolutely stupid. And I do have these awkward feelings about my love for her. Like did I really love her as much as I said I did. I feel like I did but I also feel like I'm "moving on" pretty quickly which adds another layer of stupid guilt and feelings.
I also lost a fiancé as you did and experienced this guilt. From everything I read about the grieving process, especially when the death was a suicide, feeling guilty for having fun again is absolutely normal. I always put suicide survival in a special category of grief and unless someone has been there, it's really hard to understand. Having fun again is so important and if you feel a glimmer of that, even this early on, it is to be embraced and cherished for what it is. Don't worry about whether it's "too soon" or whether you "really loved her." Let your few moments of fun be just what they are - sprigs of new life. Even one day after a forest fire you will find green sprouts amid the ashes. Mother Nature is always steering life toward new growth, so let yourself have these moments of joy. They don't signal anything other than you're allowing Life to happen - and that is so important when you've lost a loved one in the way you have.