Originally Posted by
PhoenixJ 
Because addiction does not follow rules and takes no prisoners. The drug of choice becomes the abuser's whole world- regardless of money, family, marriage, career, morals, ethics, reputation. Eventually perhaps even life.
There is no 'why', for me there just 'is'. To break free of the hell I created required the most significant of reminders life has to offer. To break the cycle of addiction meant I had to become as driven in healing and not (in my case) drinking- ever again. Every relapse is worse.
Empathy and support offered. Addiction sucks- death is worse.
From a few peoples responses ive come to realise that chasing and dwelling on the whys is pointless and futile! I can't help myself sometimes when im acting with no logic and I don't understand what's driving it and how it can be so strong and I wrack my brain for answers but all it does it make me feel like a disappointment and lower me in every possible way. From what ive gathered here its best to try to say as you said above, that it just 'is'. I have a tendency to over analyse and over think and it's never beneficial..
Thanks for your empathy and support, addiction does indeed suck!! What do you mean by every relapse is worse? After my first relapse I was truly devestated and desperate to try to understand what had happened as I had felt so strongly that I would never use again but with this relapse all I felt was disappointment and no surprise really.. Maybe worse every time as it brings you closer each time to falling into full on use again.. Also when you're generally feeling in a low place I guess it makes you much more vulnerable to turn to what you've become accustomed to in order to help you deal...