Gary, I completely agree with Behappy (you really did nail IT) - I too chose to follow the Beast, the misdirected survival drive and ITs desire for a first drink (and then of course, the next and the next and so on) over what I knew was the right choice - NOT to drink.
I'm deeply ashamed of my behaviour, whilst drinking bottles and bottles of wine every day for years. When drinking I was reduced to the level of the Beast (lower brain) irrational, illogical, unthinking, uncaring, unfocused, selfish, mean, nasty: I was the opposite of my real self (higher brain) which is rational, logical, kind, caring, focused.
Yet, all the time I drank, with dire consequences and repercussions, I was never 'in denial' I ALWAYS knew I shouldn't pick up that drink. It always went against my inner wisdom, but I believed I couldn't help it, I had a disease, alcoholism., so I wasn't to blame for drinking - it was learned helplessness.
Thank SR and the powers that be and the good folks here in Secular Connections, that I finally, finally realised that in fact, I wasn't powerless and didn't have a disease. I don't want to be controversial, so I'll add that, even if I did have the disease of alcoholism, it was in my power to arrest it, forever!
As a human being I send huge virtual hugs to you, Gary, your wife and your mother
. I HATE cancer, now thats a disease. I simply can't imagine how you feel. But because you've learnt AVRT, you are being the very best husband for your wife, your higher brain true self, not the automatic, habit forming lower brain, where the Beast resides with ITs habituated desire for alcohol.
I do hope that your mother receives positive test results.