Thank you Angelina
I have been doing a lot of self reflection. This was my first relationship with an alcoholic but if I'm honest it wasn't my first codependent relationship.
Each of my relationships has been about me "trying to save the bird with the broken wing".
And a lot of it I'm finding has to do with my own low self worth. I feel like I'm not good enough for a woman who already has her life together so I have to settle for a fixer upper.
I think most of that has to do with my looks and how I feel about them. I have a great sense of humor, great job, plenty of $$, own my home... blah blah blah. But in the looks department I'm well below average. I'm shorter than my friends and short for a guy (5'8") and not someone that any girl would look twice at.
And that is something I have to come to terms with. Women I'm attracted to physically are not attracted to me.