Originally Posted by
loveandmagic 
.... how would he know how much I'm hurting, how much I worry, how much I'm breaking in order to put effort into fixing anything? .....he just chose to continue drinking and to [get] rid of me and everything beautiful we had together.
Loveandmagic, my intent is not to be mean, but to perhaps encourage you to see your part in this - not so that you can make things better with your XBF, but so that what you can learn and benefit for your next relationship. Seeing his drinking as your relationship's one and only problem is codependent. Anyone who gets wrapped up in efforts to fix life with an alcoholic is thinking codependent. You do not have to have grown up in an alcoholic household to have developed codependent ways. My parents have been married for 50 years and there is no alcohol abuse anywhere in our extended family, yet I see now how I have repeatedly been drawn to wonderful men who, as I used to say, would have been perfect for me if only they had not drank so much. I've known about Al-Anon for decades, but always thought it was for people who were ACoAs or in abusive relationships - neither of which ever applied to me. The men I was with were loving and capable with one fatal flaw: drinking. When I finally got myself to Al-Anon, I started seeing how my life would only improve (AKA: lose my attraction to alcoholics) if I recognized the many ways in which I responded emotionally in these relationships. I began to see my part in things and that there just can't be a relationship without two people making it happen. Whatever is happening, it always takes two to create it. In Al-Anon, I am learning how I can see things differently so that I can have a beautiful life, whether anyone is drinking or not.
Al-Anon may not be of interest to you and it's only one avenue, but self-reflection is important for every person who worries about an alcoholic or tries to fix or even monitor the drinking. Without seeing our part, we can separate from the alcoholic, but we will just repeat the same codependent relationship with a different person who may not even be an alcoholic, but will be a fellow codie for sure. Cutting the alcoholic out of our lives is only the first step. To truly move on and come to a better place, we must see why we were so attracted to this person to begin with.