Thank you Mpie for the thoughtful response. As I've said before, there's a part of me that feels like I'll never be "normal" again. I have zero alcoholics/addicts in my family, my parents have been together since they were 15, and so I gave my best and my all with unconditional love and loyalty as I've been taught, not realizing what addiction truly meant... to the point where I lost my sanity. I can rarely hang out with my friends anymore bc usually they wanna all go out for drinks, and I can't even look at alcohol or see anyone tipsy bc I hate it so much. I don't even want to experience anything remotely positive that involves alcohol bc I somehow view it as the universe being condescending.
I also struggle trying to figure out what the heck caused my issues with codependency. I have two parents who love me and support me to the moon, with no addictions... I really just loved him. I truly loved him. And people think I sound like a codependent when I say we has no issues outside of his drinking... but we really didn't. Every bad thing that's happened was always a result of him drinking, going through withdrawal, or feeling the need to drink. We were everyone's favorite couple. It just took an ugly turn over the last two months once I put my foot down with his drinking.
At the end of the day, he's an insecure, self loathing alcoholic... and that shouldn't be what I want in my life. There is a part of me that is more than hurt that he isn't in love with me anymore... I'm almost more offended than anything. Bc I know my worth, I know what I gave, I know who I am... it just confuses me to see someone who once worshiped the ground I walked on turn around and say that love is gone, the attraction is gone... when I did nothing but love and support him.