Although a bit different that your situation, I feel you girl. I couldn't silence myself no matter how much I tried to detach emotionally from the situation, and that's when i realized how much it affected me and i couldn't deal with it anymore. He also hated that part about me- the controlling, nagging "horrible girlfriend." He would call me a sh*tty gf when we were fighting and wished I would just act like how we were when we were friends before we started dating. Believe me I was absolutely crazy and am convinced went through serious depression and anxiety due to severe codependency. I even thought about ending my own life at one point because I was so overwhelmed. Why put yourself through that?!!
Try not to have regrets and use that relationship as a learning experience. Work on yourself, heal yourself because you have been affected by his drinking that can spill over into future relationships, talking to friends, a therapist (even if they have kids-they are your friends and are there to support you. I broke up with my bf like 5x and i thought my friends were sick of hearing about it, but good friends are always there no matter what/how many times they have heard it) working the 12 steps of Al Anon helps, reading books etc.
It hurt me so much too and he would always say, "I'm not trying to hurt you." He just did not understand how it affected everyone around him, as long as he wasn't cursing anyone out or punching me in the face, it was ok. He went through withdrawal and had to curtail his hangovers for days at a time so he wouldn't have a damn heart attack. It was a nightmare to witness.
My boyfriend is currently not drinking, or so he says. Its been 3 weeks and he has never gone a month without drinking, but he is sure this time. Still no support from a therapist or AA, just white knuckling as he always does! I intend on ending it once i take my licensing exam because it's too much stress at once for me right now.
I'm sorry to hear that he has said he isn't in love with you anymore. Don't beat yourself up by trying to think how you could have detached more and been less "dramatic." With an alcoholic there is always something and you will never be good enough. Its how they manipulate you.
You know this is the right decision for both of you, you are just hurt that he isn't in love with you anymore, which is very painful to hear. Time will heal that, I promise. What might help you is writing down all the things you need in someone for a long term relationship, all the cons of being in a relationship with him (I'm sure there were more than just the drinking), motivating words to yourself, and a plan for moving forward to heal yourself. Also block his number. Cutting communication is THE hardest thing, but the most helpful.
Here are some motivating words to you:
• BE KIND TO YOURSELF, give it time
• We never know when our time is up on this earth, so don’t live in regret. Make the most of every day and just remember things will get better in time. Don’t think about how many years you have lived with this. Think of how many years you are going to live without it.
• Getting out of bed the next morning is an accomplishment. Know that and know that you have to take it hour-by-hour, day-by-day, for a while. There’s nothing wrong with that.
• “Apologize.” Tell your friends or family who you’ve ignored while you were blissfully happy in your relationship that you apologize for treating them as such now that it’s over. Tell your ex if you have something to apologize for. Say it, mean it and move on, but don’t prolong it. There is a window of time to act within and you’ll know it.
• There is a plan for you and this was placed on your path for a reason. That reason may not reveal itself to you right away, but in due time, you’ll look back and realize that this relationship made you more appreciative of love, stronger, or showed you can care about someone else more than yourself.
• Some people you come into contact and fall in love with simply aren’t good for us and when you are honest with yourself, you are free to revel in the benefits of not being with that partner.
• It’s going to take time to get over your ex. Don’t rush it. You’ll have good days, bad ones, terrible ones and wonderful ones. They’re all equally important in the healing process.
xo