No advice, but I wanted to reply because you and I are in very similar situations, although my AH has progressed further in the past couple years. Together 15 years, married, no kids. I love him and desperately want him to get his 💩 together so we can live happily ever after.
Even if my husband would have followed through with recovery a couple months ago, there was still so much to be repaired that I often wondered if it was possible. For both our situations, it would be hard if they were 100% sober and honest now. Impossible while they are still lying and drinking.
Since it is difficult to see the forest thru the trees, I will say from the outside looking in your husband is most certainly not in recovery. Period.
Alcoholism is not something you can beat; it cannot be cured, only managed, so true, relapses happen. In recovery they are followed by intense, long term recovery activites. An increase in aa attendence, escalation of treatment level, etc. You can't do the same thing and expect different results. I suspect he is drinking even more than you think, and that he has convinced himself moderation is an option.
My husband attended both inpatient and outpatient and I would say inpatient offers even more anonymity than outpatient, oddly enough. While there, a very high ranking city official also checked in, and everyone, especially the patients, respected privacy.
On the other hand, I noticed a lot of turnaround while attending the family portion of outpatient. The clients seemed less commited and would attend irregularly, presumingly because they were still using. At times I was uncomfortable speaking in front of them, because I didn't trust they wouldn't repeat my story while kicking back a few beers with their buddies that night. I didn't feel that way with inpatient. You are exposed to more people with outpatient, plus at any given appt some one can see you coming or going. Just my perception, but the excuse that inpatient is somehow more of a risk is pretty lame.
I wish you the best and hope we both find the answers we're looking for.