FA's post reminded me of something I should have said in my earlier post but didn't. Like you, I struggled with
knowing whether he was drinking or not. I was very focused on that. People here tried to tell me that if he was in recovery, I would know--the signs would be unmistakable. Likewise, if he was NOT in recovery, the signs would be equally unmistakable. A member posted this for me, and in the time since then, I've shared it w/many others here who are in the same place I was:
Ya wanna know the SECRET to whether someone is serious about recovery or not? When they stop TALKING and start DOING. When they abandon the alcoholic oath:
I'm Sorry
Please Forgive Me
It will NEVER happen AGAIN
Talk is just squawk....noise to diffuse and disturb....
We live on a lake and have ospreys and eagles that come 'round. When they are on the hunt, there is NO doubt about their intentions...they hover above, they swoop and swirl and then DIVE after their prey. It is magnificent and silent. They have a purpose and have no NEED to announce their plan. They are unconcerned with the world around them....for the eagle there are always the attendant "murder" of crows, dive bombing, harassing, relentless...they are honed in on their goal.
Recovery is the osprey, tucking its wing in close to its body, a missile now, a projectile diving in a straight line towards the water, seeing beneath the surface to the fish. 