SoberTyger

I am a 33 year old binge drinking alcoholic, and I've had an alcohol problem ever since i started drinking as a teenager. I soon developed the habit of binge drinking to black outs for days, and drinking ruined so much in my life. I've dropped out of pretty much any school or college i attended since i started drinking and never been able to hold onto a job for long. My only longer period of soberity was during a short marriage, where i ex forced me to keep sober for about a year and a half, but when she suddenly divorced i found the perfect excuse to go drinking again and my drinking has got worse and worse ever since that. Binges that last for weeks where i drink anything i can get hold of, losing completely control, stopping showering or brushing teeth or in any way care for myself, not eating for days, just getting wasted for no reason whatsoever.
My process of realising i am an alcoholic has been slow, ever since my mid 20s, but i have always come up with excuses or reasons for denying the obvious. Today is my first day sober after probably my worst binge ever, and it just has to be the last one. I completely ruined my easter vacation to see my amazing girlfriend who lives abroud to a state where i missed my flight and kept on drinking for days after the missed flight until i finally got my act together to go to my GFs family to seek help, showing up late at night as a complete stinking drunken mess. Managed to sober up a bit and organise my new trip home, yet still hiding my drinking behind my GFs back until i managed to get on the flight home. I kept on drinking ever until i reashed my own family's home yesterday, because i couldnt manage to make the move to stop until i reached the safe surroundings at home.
I have tried numerous times to stop before on my own, though surely not really fully committed and always with a voice in the back of my head that at some occation i would probably be able to drink a few again.
I clearly realise that is not the case, i have to stop completely, and i know it. I am lucky to have the support of my parents and my GF but i live far away from them and i have to go home to my own place next week.

I have contacted my local AA group and will have my first meeting next week.

WIthdravels are currently not as bad as i feared probably because i tapered down over the last days.

I have never been to AA before, and I really hope this will be helpful to me.
I feel so determined this time, and cant wait to see life clear from the fog of drunkeness and all the regret and depression...
To feel how my love for my GF and family will be without the alcohol numbing my emotions. There is so much in life i want to enjoy that i cant when I drink, and i hardly ever felt life without thwe shadow of alcohol since childhood. Hope you guys will wish me luck and help me to make this