nxgn1

Hi Friends, first let me say as a youth I had a major problem with addiction but have found faith. Though I drink occasionally, I still understand addiction because it is in my personality make up. But this is about one of my two boys he is age 34 and has been an addict of heroin and meth for quite awhile.

To the point his mother took him and his wife to court and took the children from him. This was absolutely the best thing for the children that she could have done. She has had them for about four years now and the children our doing very well.

My son has been in and out of rehab and I feel still has a problem though he says his tests are clean and has admitted to me in falling down about 3 times in the last 4 months. Though I'm not sure of this either because again it's based upon his word.

The problem that I'm asking about is the court order say nothing about visitation for him at all. And up too this point has been all about the good graces of his mother. Now I will say that she was a crappy mom but is a fantastic grandmother. And that was then and this is now.

The problem is that I do see some of the tactics she is using on my son are very similar to those that she used on me. Given that my current wife and I live in another State and she lives within about 5 miles of my son. I have little input because she is the one that must deal with him. Also my son is Bipolar so he can be very emotional but is on medication.

Since the beginning of the year she has not allowed him to speak on the phone nor see the kids at all they are ( 11, 8 and 6 years old).
She claims its because of his drug abuse, but to be honest I feel its that and she just does not feel like dealing with the crap that comes with a Bipolor person/drug addict.

He has now gone as far as filing for visitation but would be thrilled with even having phone calls and supervised visitation. Since filing she has refiled trying to get an extension. Something that was very common for her when we were battling for child custody (which I won).

Next week we will be coming down to visit everyone and by the way my ex wife and her husband and my wife we all get along fine and even dine at the house, with them (very gracious). She has also told me that since he has filed court papers she would not allow us to take the kids to see him (something she would have done). Based on the fact it would look bad in court for her to not allow him to see the kids, but then allow when we are down. Which I do believe is true I think if he had not filed she would have allowed it because (well we are the other grandparents).

I"m having a tough time with all of this because everything in side of me tells me of course my son has a drug issue. But complete denial of him ever seeing the kids. Will hurt him and them. I do understand slightly her part he has been very difficult for her to deal with. He is trying to show he is clean with drug tests ect ect. Any advice might be awesome.