I can speak as one who did stay for 20 years & have two kids who are devastated by all of this as well so you can count a few blessings. I know the pain is awful, I'm still struggling so I can't help much with a time table but I can tell you you're not alone. It's helping me to remember that feelings are just feelings & they do pass. Stay close-this site is my lifeline even if I don't post much-I'm always reading!