My husband was a secret addict
I am so thankful to have found you all.
I am intensely grieving the end of my marriage to an alcoholic / drug user / sex addict who was so clever in hiding his addictions, I had absolutely no idea anything was wrong until two weeks after we got married. (We'd been together for around 4 years at this point)
Two weeks after our wedding, a note came through the door, warning me that my husband was on various sex sites and was having sex with men and transvestites. It then came out that he was a secret cocaine addict and an alcoholic - although most of his drinking was done away from me so I didn't see it. (All I knew was that he drank a bit too much at weekends sometimes. But I come from a family of alcoholics so his drinking did not seem absolutely terrible to me at that time.)
I loved him so much. I still do. We had just got married and I was so excited about our happy future. This massive plot-twist - finding out our whole life was a lie - is the most intense, painful, devastating, raw and upsetting thing I have ever been through (and growing up in an alcoholic household, I thought I had seen pain... Ah, alcohol - the gift that keeps on giving...)
I helped him get to rehab where he appears to have taken it seriously. He did initial rehab, secondary rehab and then went to a halfway house and as far as I know has been sober and clean for a year now.
Apart from 18 months of intense longing to see him, I have been doing OK with my healing - until the bombshell that's just been delivered which is that he is marrying a woman he met in rehab.
I am in a world of pain. We're not even divorced yet.
I know that the lessons I am learning now had to be learned, I didn't see until now that I was even attracted to addicts which is amazing to me - 44 years old and not a single boyfriend who wasn't an addict of some sort. So I am trying to find all of the positives in this horrendous situation, use this time to learn about myself, about addiction, get fit and strong and find my mojo again.
But I have to be honest - 18 months in and I still cry like a baby every single day. And I am having panic attacks because I do not know who or what I can trust any more. It's been hard. And it continues to be hard. Reading some of your stories has been helpful.
I'm glad you guys are here.