When I got urges in the early days, I reminded myself that I was on SR for a reason and it wasnt because I had an ability to drink in moderation! No, I was here because I couldn't meet my own eyes in the mirror my self loathing was so bad. I never wanted to return to that person. Also I think because I chose not to hide or lie any more, I opened up to my husband exactly, frankly, almost brutally, what my addiction had become, I risked losing the best parts of my life if I chose to drink again. I kept telling myself drinking or not drinking was my choice, I could choose to carry on down that road where I lost my self respect and would soon loose my family, job, home and health, or I could choose to find another, better way to live.
Mid, for me, the second year was about finding my sober feet. It was no longer about having to do everything I could to maintain my sobriety, as it became easier and easier not to even think about drinking. Of course, then complacency becomes a danger which is why I make my daily homage to SR. But year 2 was about finding out who I was now I was sober. What do I like doing? What do I want my life to be like? What changes do I want to make? Am I happy at the place I have reached or do I want to make fundamental changes?
I am fortunate in having a loving supportive spouse, who is proud of me for conquering my addiction, even if he doesn't truly understand it. So he stood by me as I made changes within myself and in how I wanted to live. I am for the most part a much happier more content person without the poisonous crutch of alcohol. Live is not roses round the door, I am no Pollyanna, I just know that I like myself, the person I am now. Each year of sobriety, I grow into her even more.