Originally Posted by
Mtphc 
I want to get better but just can't. Have ended up in the hospital four times in the past year because of the this infliction. Yes they'll give me medication and I get better, but two weeks later I'm back at it. I'm really hoping this doesn't kill me one day, every time I binge it's like non-stop, and that's what makes it horrific..
Welcome to SR Mtphc, glad you have come here seeking help. I think almost all of us felt like we wanted to get better but "couldn't". Its a very common trick that addiction likes to play....of course we can't get better, might as well just keep drinking, right?
The good news is you can get better, anyone can. If you spend some time here on SR you will see lots and lots of people who have found a new sober life. The key to getting off the roller coaster is first accepting/admitting the problem unconditionally. AKA - admitting that even one drink is too many, and that it will always be that way. Addiction always tries to tell you that the "next time" will be different, that you will just "have a few". But of course you know the results.
Once you have accepted that, building a strong plan/foundation and community of support is key. It's very, very difficult to do this alone...and you have access to thousands of people here who will support your efforts. Don't rule out local support groups either.
This is a great read if you are new to the site as well...talks about lots of different recovery programs and how others have used them.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html