My thoughts are this. A jerk can hide that they are a jerk for a short amount of time. Then, it always comes back. I see it over and over and over on these threads, and in my own previous marriage. That is why I hammer on, it's behavior OVER THE LONG TERM, and I am talking years, for someone to prove themselves. The saying a tiger does not change it's stripes is almost always true. For a person to change, they have to be doing so out of their own motivation for themselves, and be willing to work on that every single day, forever. A commitment not many are willing to make.
My counselor told me yesterday that I have put my life on hold. That I have to find myself and who I am again, and find good in my life, not just put it on hold for the next traumatic event to take place. I think that's good advise for everyone, including you.
Hugs to you.