Brenda - thanks for bringing this topic up.
I knew I was an alcoholic / addict at the time of my relapse and did it anyway. The delusion of moderation / control had gone by the wayside years before.
My life was in a maelstrom at the time. There were several outside factors that I allowed to cause unbearable stress in my life. They were outside my control, but sources of stress nonetheless.
I had painted myself into a corner by trying to handle more things in my life than was possible. I was completely isolated, and had no face-to-face support. There were many character defects that I was acting on at the time that I was completely unaware of. Pride led me to rely solely on willpower. I eventually loaded on more and more stress until I broke down.
Spiritually, I was utterly bankrupt. I hated myself, the world, and everyone in it. I was 99% sure that there was no Higher Power at all. If there was, that would have made matters worse, because I felt forsaken.
In essence, I was in tremendous emotional, mental and spiritual pain. I was at an impasse, and attempted suicide.
Today, things are completely different. Some of the benefit is due to positive changes to outside circumstances (e.g. not being in the presence of my X-wife any more), which relieved a lot of stress. Most of the benefit is due to changes within me though. My perceptions are completely different, and outside events don't cause the kind of stress that they used to. Life still happens, and I still allow myself to get stressed out about things I shouldn't. I have a choice today though, and I my emotions are not solely dependent on outside circumstances like they once were.
Working the steps with my sponsor/sponsees has been the number one factor in my recovery. The change in my perception was a direct result of stepwork. I had tried making those changes in my life by reading literature about alcoholism / addiction, but it wasn't the same as working the steps. Part of the problem for me was that I couldn't identify self-delusions without telling another person exactly what was going on in my head.
By the way, I am halfway through '12 Smart Things To Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone'. I have liked it so far.