Originally Posted by
PuzzledHeart 
When my ex-fiance broke up with me just before our wedding, it just shook me to the core. I did a lot of hiking, and I also went on a three-week backpacking trip to Europe and flew there on the day of our supposed wedding. I wanted to plan something that I looked forward to. I wanted to reinvent myself. Nobody in my tour group knew what happened. Until, of course, I broke down the last night of the tour and wandered onto a beach in freezing weather and cried in the kelp and seaweed. Several group members found me there and consoled me as I sobbed out the whole story. The fact that these strangers were willing to watch out for me was one of the most healing experiences I've ever had in my lifetime, and it was the first time that I allowed hope to creep back into my heart.
PS. I also wrote in my journal every single day. It's funny, I've told this story on SR a number of times but for some odd reason I never mentioned the journaling. I dumped all my love and anger on those pages. Just the act of writing did me good, and when I did things alone by myself, I brought my notebook with me to make me feel less self-conscious.
I actually bought a journal and my favorite pens. Every time I want to write something, I don't even know where to begin. I think this forum helps me, bc it's like a journal that talks back with comfort and support, which is pretty fantastic.
I'm invisioning crying in the kelp and seaweed... and I see myself there. Sometimes I feel hope again, but then within a few hours the pain and the denial hit again, and it's just a nightmare.
Sometimes I feel like I was too hard on him, but I know I just wanted him to be healthy and I needed my needs met too. It just blows my mind that he's content in his misery. And that he gave up the beautiful life we could have for a stupid, miserable life. Or worse, that he's going to turn his **** around and give the life and love I feel I deserve to some younger babe, make babies with her, and live happily ever after.