I totally get that... When my last serious relationship ended, I had the desire for that kind of misplaced satisfaction.
But the truth is, even if he came crawling back, it wouldn't be the solution you need. If he's still binge drinking, that's a dangerous, volatile situation. I say from experience that active alcoholics tend to be narcissistic and short-sighted. The relationship I ruined due to my alcoholism ended and began several times before I realized that it was never going to be the same. The dynamic was damaged because no extent of apologies could rectify what I'd done... And the worst of it was things I couldn't remember doing and probably never will.
Good for you for being productive at the gym! The best medicine
