Originally Posted by
Steadwell 
Why do I sabotage myself? It seems when everything is on the up and up I ALWAYS end up back in the same situation. It always starts with an innocuous 6-pack then, almost instantly, wind up back in the same situation. Was doing well for a couple of months, now this, sheesh!
I came to understand that in AA, as a lack of an effective mental defense against the first drink. So I had to find a reliable defense. It tried to get picky about that, but in the end it came down to a simple choice. Live life on a spiritual basis, or face an alcoholic death. Pretty stark. I tried my best to find an alternative, but there were none.
The result has been a totally reliable 24/7 defense which has stood every kind of test over many years, and never failed.