Hi meisme
I don't know what's wrong with me except I am an alcoholic that no matter how much drinking and weed has hurt my life I keep going back to them.
I thought much the same thing - maybe I was that kind of alcoholic who just couldn't change...
wrong.
You can change your decisions - it takes a lot of effort and support, but you can definitely change and not go back to drinking and drugs.
Whatever it takes - if you commit to putting your energy into not drinking rather than drinking you'll get there.
Did you have a recovery plan this time at all?
D