Wouldn't it make more sense to figure out how to stop the sabotage?
i spent a lot of time trying to figure out why...time that ended up not exactly wasted, as i did get some self-knowledge, but: a much better use of my time was to do the stuff that needed doing in order to stop.
ultimately, grappling with the why was something that allowed me to just keep drinking; a tactic which cleverly said: can't quit until i know why i do it.
false reasoning .