PC- hi, welcome. A brave post and a good place to find answers. SR is a supportive community. I can only give you my perspective from my point of view- one whose alcoholism tore my family apart. The long story is in my narrative- in a thread. Upshot is I am alone- leave my family alone out of respect- going thru divorce and 14 months sober. Work very hard at this stuff. I learnt a lot here. So now I have explained all that:
Alcoholism is an addiction., When it takes over a person- all logical thought goes out the window. All that matters is the next reward- from that next toke/hit/drink. Anything that gets in the way is fair game. So challenging an alcoholic- who actively drinks and does not even understand how destructive their behaviour is- they defend by attacking. This seems logical- I did this. Lots of emotional and verbal abuse. They did not understand, I am trying, I will go to a meeting tomorrow, it is all your fault (turn it around and make you the problem).
I had to hit a rock bottom.
All I can say is do not put your life on hold- orbiting around an alcoholic world- in circles. Whatever plans you have- study, travel, job- do not give them up for his recovery. He needs to do that for himself. Any 'support' is enabling if he is not actively getting sober- with proof and action. Over time. Not just 4 meetings- but long term- life. Keep an eye on finances. The driving bit is out of your control. He will have to suffer the consequences of that- otherwise you will always be the rescuer- him the vulnerable child- you his mum. Al- anon is good for support. Perhaps legal advice. Most importantly- DO NOT TOLERATE ANY FORM OF ABUSE- verbal ,emotional, financial, physical. There is a family and friends thread in Newcomer's. Also a women's only. Read around- you will find many useful ones.
I give you my compassion, support and empathy from a regretful boozer in recovery. You are not alone- a common story. So lots of support.
Keep posting. PJ