Originally Posted by chip
Right now, I've gotten to the point where I have one drink at 3pm, one at 9pm, one at 11pm and one at 1am. I have trouble sleeping, and this feels like a strange form of torture.
Hey Chip--Welcome to SR! I am sorry you are having such a hard time. The part of what you posted that I quoted above pretty much sums up why it had to be all or nothing for me. I was at the point where all I seemed to think about was drinking. When I wasn't drinking, I was thinking about my next drink. Once I had a drink, all I could think about was when I could have the next one. The sad part is that I really didn't realize how much the alcohol was ruling my life until I quit completely.
I am curious--why would you want to continue drinking this way if it is making you so miserable? One of my favorite quotes from the AA a big book goes something like this, "When I controlled my drinking, I couldn't enjoy it. When I enjoyed my drinking, I couldn't control it." That was me to a tee. It sounds like it could be you, too.
More than anything, I want you to know how much I appreciate the effort you have made to admit you have a problem and to come here and ask for help. That is a very difficult thing to do. I hope you will continue to ask for help and be able to find some peace and serenity in your life....
Hugs to you!