Is this codependent communication?
Hello. My only sibling, a sister, is alcoholic. She has progressed in her where she is about to lose her house and car. Fired from job about two months ago. When to 7-day detox plus 30-day inpatient rehab. Came home started drinking. Has a son, doesn't see him. She takes off doesn't communicate with her family or friends. Starting to hang out with other addicts and people she met in rehab. Recently met alcoholic and drug addict guy (Billy). She went no contact for weeks while Billy was most likely using her for somewhere to live, and they sold all of her valuables ---televisions, Wii, jewelry, etc.
Our parents used to let her "detox" in their house. They used to let her live there for weeks while she was trying to get sober. She would still drink. So, now they no longer allow her to stay the night and they don't give her money or help her except drive her to rehab/detox or pick her up from hospital. They do allow her to "visit" while they are home but she cannot stay the night or be there alone. She rarely visits. Today while I was at work, she messaged me and it went like this:
Sister: I need help
Me: Where are you? Do you need (my husband) to pick you up?
Sister: I'm at (our parent's house). They aren't going to let me stay. I'm afraid for my life.
Me: (My husband) can drive you to detox. Please let me know if you need him to pick you up.
Sister: Ok I will let you know. I don't know if they have a bed.
Me: ??? You can always check. Isn't your life on the line?
Sister: I can barely lift my head up.
Me; You are very ill. Please seek help. You will die without help. I think you know that.
Sister: I will later. They're (our parents) letting me stay couple hours. I'm trying to get help.
Me: I hope for you. You are very sick and I'm sorry. I empathize with your situation but it's up to you to get real help and stop drinking. We will be here for you when you want help.
Sister: I want help now. I haven't drank today and Billy went to jail. No gas and no money.
Me: Good luck. I hope you find a way to sober living and stay away from other addicts.
Sister: Me too
Me: There is a way out and you know it. I'm sorry you're feeling trapped in your addiction but there is a way out if you want it.
Sister: They're kicking me out and have nowhere to go. No beds at detox. I don't have enough gas to get home.
Me: Do you need a ride?
Sister: I will let you know. Dad put a teeny bit of gas in. I am going to try to go home with (her ex-husband).
Me: Okay if you want to sit with us until 9 or 10 o'clock tonight and have dinner with us, you can. Are you coming over or going to (ex-husband's)? Either way, I hope for you and good luck.
Sister: Thank you. (Ex-husband) is saying I can stay now. It's my only option...I may come over if enough gas
Me: Peace and love <3
Is it useless/non-helpful that I am communicating like this? When I offer help to have my husband drive her to detox she deflects. She only contacts me when there is a crisis (no gas, no money, her addict boyfriend who she has only known for two months went to jail). Other than that she can go weeks without contact and I take care of her child in the morning and afternoons. She rarely sees her child.
I love my sister and I know she will die without help but today I am at a point where I'm really just neutral and done with this.
She came over on Thursday. She looks so bad -- so unhealthy, bloated and incredibly weak. She drinks so much. She is so ill and needs medical help but won't seek help.