Family dynamics
Hello fellow Sr's
It always interests me the whole dymanic behind addiction - often set up in our childhood.
What was your home like growing up? What was your mom and dad like as people? How did it impact you? What type of environment was it? How would you describe the child version of yourself to someone?
My version: my dad died when I was ten, we were the 3 kids, I was the oldest(caretaker training hello!). My mom dated stepdad a few years later, had another child and got married.
My home life revolved around my mom. My bio dad and mom would fight almost daily - my mom was super jealous and argue her reason into a fight eventually. No hitting each other just constant tension and arguing. We also didn't do well financially so that was a sore point too. No one drank or used drugs in our home but love and control was her drug of choice. She is still like this to this day although age and life has toned her down a bit. I believe she displays some narcissism and is emotionally withdrawn towards us girls and is jealous of women in general. She thinks everyone is watching her like she won't take calls at work because the women there are listening in or she needs to have her roots done cause the neighbors are watching her.
She got worse when she got with my stepdad - she obsessed over him. Example She would phone his job not joking 5 times a day and if the receptionist answered she would badger him on why he was after the receptionist. If he was not reachable when she phoned she believed it was the "whores" trying to block there contact. She would pick him up but go in to see the women there so she can ask a million questions on who the "sluts" are. He almost lost two jobs and she almost lost hers once because the phone bill was crazy high. She never ever phoned us kids. Her kids didn't exist because she was running after him. She would send us to family so they could overnight together or go on a cruise just them too. No kids allowed. Or leave us overnight with some money for take aways.
She would drive 2 hours daily to take home him to a new work but she would be an hour later with no warning picking us up at school. She funded a small company for him but we never got new clothes or nice things. Sometime she would just leave a message with school receptionist to say we had to catch a lift home. My friends parents did not like my mom because they often lifted me. Me and my sister finished schooling eventually on our own because she just didn't care. My sister was sent to stay with a friend so she could stepdad and her closer to his new job. She never sent my sisters friend money promised to the mom and they threw my sister out after first treating my sister poorly because she was staying there with no money.
Her son with my stepdad however he gets anything he wants - new computers, a car this year, only junk food cause that's all he insists on, designer clothes, university this year.
If you brought anything up then she would say you imagine things or being sensitive. Or she would flat out deny and get angry. Still today she has a different version of events.
On a time she also lost everything financially. She did something wrong - I don't know exactly what. But we literally lived in a house with no funiture - nothing! There was no food for days. I made a soup out of an onion, tomato one day for me and my sister cause that was all we had. told friends furniture it was in storage. She kept moving every two months not to pay rent. She stole money from me. I worked since she never gave and would hide money all over my room. She would find it and claim she doesn't know what happened to it. She stole a cellphone a boyfriend gave me from my locked room. She would ask behind my back my boyfriend to lend her money.
One day I came home from a friend and she and my stepdad were still under the covers naked. Her face I can't forget. She looked so smug like she was a teenager caught with her amazing lover. It made me sick the way she neglected us and treated us and was so self involved.
My stepdad is really just a person to us. He is just around. Involved with his son. He's not good he's not bad. He's just there.
They divorced because she was too much and he had enough. leaving my mom with nothing - she basically lived out her car cause us grown kids didn't have sympathy. He now lives with her again because she has flat and she buys everything. He just watches tv all day.
I left my alcoholic husband and asked her for a place for me and my daughter - she said no the landlord says only three people allowed. It was only her and my half brother living there but she was keeping space for stepdad although he was not part of her life. How sad.
I suffered nightmares about my mombecause I had repressed anger and resentment. I would yell out in my dream from anger toward her. I do not do that for anything else and that phase of my life is over. Haven't dreamt of her in almost 20 years.
We grew up from infancy in a household where children were seen and not heard. She would tell us to go out a room if there was adult company. You had a place It was be quiet and don't ask anything. I guess that is why employers love me today lol.