Originally Posted by
dandylion 
NikNox.....what about getting some professional support for you and your husband, as to how to navigate this difficult situation.....
It could help a lot.....
I am sure that you two are suffering as much as she is....
As provoking as she is...she is suffering and confused and out of control....
The whole family is hurting...lots of family dynamics going on.....a lot of boundary issues.....
I think you really need to get a plan, now,,,because, as things are going, it is likely to get worse before it gets better....
This does seem to be beyond the usual parent/child skirmishes, for this age....
Nixnox, I feel such empathy for you.
I agree completely with dandylion. Sounds like the mental and emotional resources are rapidly reaching the end. You sound very frustrated and reactive towards her. Please take care of your wellbeing. Right now, you first then the next person
Maybe a step back a deep breath and a new plan of action is needed. What has been done already has not been effective. Lets start with how things are now. She IS using drugs (pot, sleeps all day - signs are there) binge drinking and causing immense stress with her outburst and manipulative behaviour towards you two. Definitely unacceptable behavior. Talking and idle threats will not work for this. I know you mentioned what you tried but I can't seem to pinpoint in your reply an actual consequence outside of harsh words. Even with the counselors she seems to just say Im troubled and then its said ok you are. Nothing after. Where the recommendation plan for her behavior or medication needed or referal to the next step in the ladder is counselor can't get through? Keep trying, there are options still.
The passiveness is her key to getting away with everything. Everyone knows she using drugs/drinks but what happened after that? A few words to calm dad and mom says a few anry words and life goes on.
Once a child is an adult we need let go and let them be. Our job is done its their own job onwards.
I am sending your family strength and hugs.