ttt, regarding your concerns about his inability to survive w/o your financial help, I had similar concerns about XAH. XAH almost always held a job during our 20+ years together. We had only joint bank accounts, so what was mine was his, too. Now that I am the only one handling my finances, I am seeing how much $$ was being diverted to finance his drinking and cigarette smoking (also concealed). It appears to have been the majority of what he was earning, and yes, I worked a 2nd job during many of those years. Oh, and did I mention that he would refuse overtime at work unless it was mandatory? He needed "time for himself", is what he always said...
With all that said, I was certain when he moved out that he'd crash and burn financially in no time. After all, he could never have afforded to live like he did w/o my income to pay for the necessities. It's about a year and a half since he moved out and surprise, surprise, he has managed to pay rent as well as buy a different vehicle during that time. Apparently he IS capable of handling money and making it cover what it needs to cover; it was just a lot more convenient to secretly raid our savings, let me work a 2nd job b/c we just never seemed to get very far ahead and I couldn't understand it, and then accuse me of being "money hungry."
One of the things you'll read regularly here are stories where the spouse/partner/sibling/parent/child/whomever is convinced the A absolutely cannot make it w/o help from him or her. What you'll read after that is an SR member saying A's are incredibly resourceful when it comes to their addiction, and that that same resourcefulness can be used to figure out a place to stay, to find a rehab or AA meeting, whatever the A decides he/she needs. You may have slid slowly down the slippery slope to supporting, or mostly supporting, him, and yeah, he's gonna be PEEVED when the gravy train stops rolling in, but is he going to starve? Not very likely...