Cutting contact with alcoholic mother
I've been lurking on these boards for a long time and the posts here have helped me so much. I've finally gathered up the courage to post!
My mother has been an alcoholic for years, but in the last 3 years things have really spiralled. In that time my dad left her, she lost her job because she was caught drinking in work and she's moved out of the family home.
She was in a community recovery programme but never really seemed to fully commit to it, she would turn up every day and then we're pretty sure she would go home and drink, but there was a level of control. She went completely off the rails about 8 weeks ago and would sit at home drinking all day and night, and would call and text me at all hours begging for help to get sober. She would also send semi-suicidal texts, but I honestly believe this was attention seeking, she knew it would get a reaction from me and I would drop whatever I was doing and start trying to contact her to make sure she was ok.
One morning she woke up to find she had gone into withdrawal and was suffering from hallucinations and severe tremors. As a result she underwent a week long emergency detox in hospital. Within 4 days of her release she was drinking heavily again.
Her social worker has prescribed campral last week but I've got no idea if she has actually started to take it.
Recently I have been trying to put myself first, I've been limiting contact with her to a phone call once a week and have started blocking her number when she starts the drunken phone calls and texts.
I feel guilty because I'm the last person she had left, everyone else walked away a long time ago. Part of me really hopes that me distancing myself will shock her into change, but I know this is unrealistic, she's lost so much up until now that surely she's already hit bottom!
I love my mum so much and would do anything to have her back in my life, but I also know this is her battle to fight and that I can't do it for her. I worry that at times I've been enabling her, by trying to patch up the damage her behaviour has caused to other relationships in her life
I guess I just need some reassurance, am I doing the right thing by limiting contact? How do I deal with the guilt if something terrible happens while we're not in contact?