Muddled

Hey all,

Well this is my first time joining a forum like this and I'm not the most advanced person when it comes to literature, I figured that because everything else I've tried by myself to improve my relationship and this addiction hasn't worked, that I would ask you here for any advice you can help me with.

I've been thinking how to write this out a little before hand and there's so much that's happened in our relationship that I'm going to skip a great deal of the details and hopefully they will come out as the thread unfolds...
So any questions will be answered very appreciably

Well here goes... So me and my girlfriend have been together for two and a half years now and from the very start alcohol has been a big problem but countless tries of sobering up and living the normal healthy lifestyle has failed and we end up back in the same patterns of falling out splitting up then getting back together when sobar.

Let me explain both mine and my girlfriends backgrounds so hopefully it's easier to grasp the bigger picture.

Ill start with my self, ever since I was young I've been the quiet shy introvert guy and have never had a proper relationship until I met my girlfriend. Before I met her I didn't drink hardly ever nor took any drugs bar smoked some cannabis as my night time chill out time, then I met my girlfriend at probably the worst time I could of, as I will explain a little about her now.

So my girlfriend she's 34, 6years older than me so she's got a lot more experience in the relationship department, the time we met was a really bad time for her as she was going through social services in respects of her loosing her two children due to the use of anthetamines. We was seeing each other just before her two little girls got taken and from then till now 2years later. She has been an addict for 19years since she was around 15, since that age she has been taking anthetamines and pain killers etc but since her girls got took due to the anthetamines she has switched this addiction for alcohol which when she gets drunk she often gets aggressive and very confrontational. She has had a hard life which has made a high impression of how she is now, when she was younger she got beaten up by her mums boyfriends a few times and received a lot of neglect from her mum she would have fights with her sisters and her mum which sometimes with items being used as weapons which lead to her mum having to put her in care. And now with her having no one around her for support and nothing constructive to do with her being unable to work due to her mental health and physical health (she has bipolar and recently become diabetic needing to take insalin shots) she is left with guilt and plenty of time to be tempted by her addictions.

Now let me try and explain our relationship which like I said is a long story so I will skim over it, so after her children got taken is when we starting seeing each other a lot more and when the troubles began, at first there was no real big problems we would have a few beers each night and just watch films and stuff then not long at all into it the arguements started just over anything. It didn't take long for the black eyes and mind game comments to come, pritty regularly when she would get drunk she would get insucure and aggressive smashing things up and start hitting me over any comment she takes the wrong way, she's abit of a Tom boy so she knows how to throw punches. Right from that time I would leave her when this happens but she would always manage to lure me back in, after taking this behaviour for a very long time I started reacting too her, when we got drunk I would try to restrain her or push her away to stop me from receiving another black eye but when she's drunk she isn't going to stay still or calm for long which countless times lead to the police being called with us both being arrested.

I'm trying to speed this up now because it seems like our life story but there's so much more but I want to stay on the point of the addiction.

on a sperate occasion she got found guilty of gbh to another girl while up town drinking with a friend, so in August of 2016 she was sent to prison for 3months which she got out November 2016. Just before she went to prison was a really bad time with the alcohol and we was on the verge of finishing, when she got sent to prison I was wrighting to her and she seemed genually sorry for all that had happened and promised to stay off the alcohol for good. Which at first it was amazing I had stop drinking while she was in there as I was sick of all the things that come with it and she stayed clean too but then about a month and a half into it we was going to bingo and as we was stood outside she said do you fancy having a couple of drinks "we should be able to have a couple now and then" this phrase would become increasingly used and irriatable. So with a lot of haste I said yeah ok, deep down I knew that was the first step to open a can of worms. but I kidded myself into thinking it was possible to have a few now and then, that night went ok we had a couple of pints each which just made us tired and ready to go home to bed. But then on more and more occasions the do you fancy having a drink popped up with the other problems of "beer gives me a headache let's just get a "small bottle" of vodka". And as the old problems of the insecurity and aggression slowly came back I've steered away from the drink but been left with my girlfriend always wanting to drink again (most days). With me not drinking she will sneak of to the shop or a mates to get her dose then when we at home together after her demina and attitude towards me completely changes. Which makes me feed up and in fear of her upsetting the neighbours ( it's her flat and one more complaint and she loses the flat) also of smashing up my belongings which I constantly have to take with me when I leave for the night. It's got to the point it happens that often I leave my belongings at my dads now so I don't have to take them the next time it happens even though we are supposed to be living together.

I've told her plenty of times she needs to clean up or I can't do this anymore then she will be clean for a few days then she either says she needs anthetamines to take her mind off things rather than using alcohol because she can "control that" and take it and stop it when she wants which sadly I thought was worth a try and it does keep her off the alcohol but when she's on her come down she starts fancying a drink anyway gets really irritated and scattery. So I tell her I need you off everything altogether that's the only way we will work and most of the time she agrees, and will try hard to stay of it but the sneaking thing keeps coming in to play anytime she has chance or any money she will be off to the shop buying that "little bottle of vodka", not saying anything to me drinking it in the other room or in the garden. Then when it hits her and I notice I question her which she dennies then still pretending she hasn't had a drink starts having ago at me getting all emotional about her mum, kids and everything else that's gone wrong in her life.

I really love the woman but each time this happens it's chipping away my patentience, trust and genuinely how affectionate I can be with her. I'm harbouring so many hard feels due to this it's making me distances myself which she is noticing which is making her do it even more to block out any feelings.

I just feel like I really have no hope on my own recorrecting this whole thing, I need some support as I still want to be with her it's just killing me inside and out as this is just carrying on no matter what.

Thanks for listening I feel better already just need some steps to put in place now..