I know all too well the misery of withdrawals. The chills, shaking, physical pain, despair. Do you want to go through that again?
I can sympathize/empathize with everything you're saying, but you have to knuckle down and man up sometime... why not now?
I remember getting credit card statements in the mail and having the feeling of ice water being poured down my spine not knowing what the balance would be. But it was what it was, and in your case it is what it is. Just face it down and stop running. You'll be surprised how soon things will get better.