Originally Posted by
futureve 
Not sure if it is because while in the car, I happened to open a bill (a new one...) and saw the amount I owed... Is it what triggered it? Or the fact that I need to go to the dentist ASAP and have no money right now... I am 51 and I can't believe that I am still getting myself into this crazy mess. I am scared. Feel like i will never be able to stop. That I am one of these people too sick, too dishonest, too lost... Most of my life has been out of control. I should have been dead a long time ago... Hoping to hang on and not take my lunch break to go to ABC... Again...
could be what triggered it is years of opening mail and the solution was drink. in other words, you haven't learned new coping skills YET.
"That I am one of these people too sick, too dishonest, too lost... "
rephrase that- you WERE one of those people.now you are
starting to learn how to be honest, healthy, and found. you aren't lost. you are right where you need to be.you are learning a new life and one day will feel blessed to have lived 2 lives.
when you 1st started driving, did you just jump behind the wheel of a car and have it all down pat? did you just automatically know how to drive? or did you have to learn?