Yeah acceptance that I was truly alcoholic and needed to quit for good took me a long time. Actually that's not true. I knew. I just didn't want to do anything about it, I wasn't prepared to change, what I wanted was to try to find a way to keep drinking. But I'm there now and I am prepared to do whatever is necessary. If I have to make all new friends, find all new activities then so be it. If I have to sit with my unpleasant feelings, take ownership of my mistakes, heal damaged relationships. Whatever, I'm in.
I'm finding that I'm not as productive as I'd like to be, all I do it think about what I need to do and then get overwhelmed and don't do any of them. I have ideas about how to meet new people or fill all this time, but again all I do it think about it. I guess I feel like I need to start taking more action and stop being so fearful. I've spent my whole adult life until now building a life that supported the lifestyle of partying and I'm intimidated by the magnitude of making these changes so I get paralyzed.
I'm having some PAWS too. I get wicked headaches. Not every day and it's manageable. I'm ok with it as I know it's my body healing from how I polluted myself for all this time.
Number one for me right now is how to build a social life. Most of my current friendships are really just drinking buddies, without that we will grow apart, it's already happening. And again it's fear holding me back, I don't want to be lonely but I also don't want to put myself out there. Drinking was such an easy way to meet new people. Writing this out is making me see that it's also a self-esteem thing, I don't feel good enough.
I think I need to start picking one thing and just make myself push through the apprehensions and fear and believe that it will be kinetic. Stop being such a Nervous Neddy! Volunteering is a good idea. I know where I'd like to do it too, there's a woman's shelter and a humane society close by and those are both things that I'd feel good about contributing to.