I can relate to this SO MUCH. I am 45 days sober, and before that 2 months sober. Just realized over the last year or so that I really had a problem. I really still don't know if I'm an alcoholic. I still choke when I say I am out loud. But whether I'm an alcoholic or a problem drinker doesn't really matter. I can never have alcohol again... it's no longer an option for me.