Drunkgirl - give yourself credit for coming here & being honest about your drinking. When I was 19 I was just beginning to think it was an answer to everything. Back then I thought it was helping me cope with life - it was my friend. I would never have admitted I had a problem - just thought I needed to use more willpower. As a result, my life was almost destroyed. I was completely dependent on it & drinking all day when I found SR.
You can have the wonderful life you deserve. You already know what many of us didn't at 19 - you can't drink. I'm glad you're here - please keep reading & posting.