For me, alcohol is lousy for the things that you are talking about using it for. It doesn't numb me enough to forget what concerns me, it's like having surgery without enough anesthetic. If I drink enough to forget it's a blackout, with it's own attendant set of problems and of course the brutal hangover.
I finally had to really quit, no matter how uncomfortable, and let the chips fall where they may. The cure had become worse than the disease. Since then, I've found that reality is better. The shame of being a drunk fades out. I won't totally forget, lest I start to drink again but it doesn't have to rule my life.
Keep coming back here. This is a good place to figure it out and get the support that your drinking friends can never give you.