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Old 04-04-2017, 05:15 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
wanttobehealthy
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
From what you're describing, it really kinda seems like this is hurting you more than it is her. Yes, it hurts to be left out and to have people who you think are your friends suddenly shift alliances. OTOH, if she has other parts of her life where she's happy and productive, this may just be one of those painful parts of being a kid that gets better as the other kids mature a bit. It would be more concerning if this was her whole world, but it sounds like it's just one piece of it. I'm not trying to minimize, just kind of speaking from experience. She sounds like a really terrific kid. I have a feeling she'll come through this OK. You're a good mom.
I think I might be minimizing how devastated she's been (bc unfortunately she is also like me in the brief moments of meltdowns and then feigning all is ok but showing in other ways it's not at all ok) because Im not sure I can handle accepting fully, how much she's hurting.

This one "bff" has been her SOLE friend for years... She kind of keeps to herself and does lots of activities and has lots of aquaintances, but she has resisted developing friendships w others because in her child mind she and this "bff" would be as close as they once were, forever... Its been a long time coming what's going on now, and add to the friendship changing, the very real bullying that went on a week ago and it's just a lot.

To her she feels like her friendship world doesn't exist and I worry most about the fact that she truly seems to think there is something wrong with her that is making people act as they are... Any suggestions I make to branch out and get to know other kids, is met with anger and sadness... It's a mess.

She just asked me if she could come to my school with me tomorrow and if we could move to the community I teach in

Her sister, in the midst of this all occurring, has been invited to go away with a friend for the weekend and DD11 tried to invite a friend to come sleepover (has made several invites) and has had no bites... So it's making all the other stuff just hurt more...

Im sure Im rambling because I am trying to not think too deeply about all of it because my heart is breaking to see her so hurt...

And even though I deal with Middle School girls in my day to day job every. single. day and help them navigate this stuff, I seem to be totally, clueless about how to help my own child...

It IS hurting me a ton to see her hurting so much and Im trying to hide how pained I am for her bc I know that won't help-- so instead I guess I am letting it all out here...

The poor kid without my knowing, texted the MOM of the "bff" today to "apologize" for being "rude" and running from the car this am and into school to get to work on her quiz.... The mom, instead of assuring my daughter that it was ok, just replied like 5 min ago and said "Thank you for apologizing DD11, I accept your apology".

It's one thing to apologize if she had done something wrong, but Im seeing her apologizing to people to try and appease them to make them be nicer to her and it's making me want to cry and scream all at the same time...
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