I had already introduced myself back in february. I did figure not many would remember me though, since I only post ever so rarely
Thanks anyways for the second wave of welcomes
I was a bige drinker. My binges were quite close together towards the end, and would have been continuous if I didn't get so sick. About 4 days full on was the best I could manage. If I could have, I would have been a continuously topped up kind drinker but I lacked the control
The trouble was, once I started, I could not guarantee my behaviour nor when I would stop. I could easily have killed someone. I had some scary experiences. They didn't help. There always came the time where those memories faded, to the extent that I would think this time I will be in control. This time I will just relax and enjoy myself. It almost never worked out.
And that is alcoholism. Not about the quantity or the frequency, but about being in control and making sane choices. Control and choice.
It's so unfair to see that many of my friends party most of the time and don't seem to have a problem with it while I was always careful and I still ended up being the one stuck with the problem.
A great part of why I'm not drinking myself into oblivion is because I'm penniless. Of course if I really want to I can always find a way, but I can't just grab my card and go buy alcohol anytime I want. I got about 20$ in my bank account at the moment. I went very close to spend it all on beer lately. I kept wondering what the hell I was doing, walking all the way up to the convenience store. Luckily once I was inside I ended up not even daring to look at the beer corner, grabbing a random bag of chips and getting out as soon as I could.
And now I keep thinking about the fact that my parents are going on vacation soon and when they go they always leave me money in case something happens. A part of me really wants to spend it on booze. I guess my next challenge will be not to.