That was exactly how it was for me too Donna. If I could just stop on my own power, I would have done it long before things got really bad. We have a couple of things going on. One is the obsession of the mind, the idea that this time will be different. This obsession is what puts a drink in our hands after a dry spell.
Then there is the phenomenon of craving. This takes effect when alcohol is in the system. It usually takes three or four days from the last drink, to be free of alcohol, and therefore the craving. Some times a detox is necessary to get past this.
It is a powerful thing this craving. On several occasions I was given choices, by employers and loved ones. The job or the drink, me or the drink. Because I had started drinking, the craving was so powerful there was no way I was going to chose anything other than the drink. Got fired on the spot, lost the relationship, and though I cared, I couln't do what they asked of me. I lacked the power.
I got to a point where I could admit this, and was willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol, got some help, followed some simple suggestions and never drank again. I just could not do it on my own.