Thanks guys.
I did consider AA a few times but the thought honestly terrifies me. I think signing up on here is at least a step in the right direction, and I am hopeing I can conquer this myself. Ofcourse, If things get worse then I will rethink joining AA.
I realised how bad things were for me when I actually looked on at myself through someone else's eyes, and how sad it is to actually see someone desperately drinking vodka in public toilets before work. I cringe just thinking about it.