I dont know what its like to lose a child but I do know loss, as I lost my sister one year ago to cancer. She was 37 when she died. I am now into my 37th year of life and I cant quite fathom dying at such a young age.
My coping skills during her illness and death were obsolete. I didnt know how to handle what life was presenting to me so I bought bottle after bottle of wine and proceeded to carry on with life: as if nothing had happened.
I cant blame grief for my return into an alcoholic prison. I cant excuse myself from the truth of what I had always been even before my sisters illness. There are a million different roads I could have taken but I chose a road that would only make life more difficult and more unreasonable.
Its good to see that you have gotten off the train of wreckage and joined a community of like minded individuals who want/ have a life free of alcohol.
Life is tragic and beautiful. Its all over the map at times. Nothing is worse than self sabotage through a bottle. Its a painful existence that is for certain to lead to death. If not physically than mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you will find peace. I hope to see you posting here often.
Please stay close.