Originally Posted by
sunshine72 
JustTony my heart goes out to you and I teared up when I read that your son died. I have 1 son and I don't know why sometimes I think of what I would do if I lost him. I think because my 13 year cousin committed suicide almost 2 years ago, and they were only 3 weeks apart in age. I think in my head if I have enough sleeping pills on hand to do the job. Then I pray because I don't know why those thoughts would come into my head. If it actually happened I just don't know what I would do. I'm just so sorry for your loss. Time can never heal that kind of a wound. And I understand why you said, screw it, and just drank. I'm so proud of you for coming full circle with this alcohol demon. We have different reasons for why we are here. I'm just really hurting for you on the loss of your son no matter how long ago it was, it happened. And I'm so hopeful at the same time that you can get through the pain and learn to live again and it sounds like you have an awesome loving wife that is sticking around for the long haul. I'm rooting for you. All the Best~
Thank you. What a beautiful post to wake up to this morning.
Indeed the loss of my only child certainly exacerbated my problems with alcohol and put it on a reckless curve upwards - but the issue of alcohol abuse was within my life for the best part of a decade before that.
Of course there are days when I allow myself huge waves of self pity and during those times it is difficult not to think "oh what's the ******* point?" and in that mindset anything is possible. But that's something I have to manage because as one poster stated my son would want me to look after myself - And I want to look after myself too!
Yes my wife is awesome. She started me on day 1 when I didn't have the guts to get past that self deluding "just one more night - I'll start tomorrow" (lack of) rationale my foggy brain always reverted to. After day 1 it has to be all about me and my choices. She was the propulsion that got this rocket off from the ground but now I have to take it into orbit.
Anyhow - lying in bed on my iPhone after 4 hours reasonable sleep and planning day 5 and all I have to do today, whilst logging in to SR to read supportive messages and stories from members.
Once again, thank you for such a warm, genuine and supportive comment.
Tony.